The Lunar Mind Bulletin

PACE comes from Dyadic Developmental Practice, and it is best thought of as an attitude rather than a technique. It describes how we show up for a young person, particularly when things are difficult.

Playfulness is about lightness and warmth: a gentle joke, a softer tone, a moment of fun that says “we are still OK.” Acceptance means accepting the feeling or the need behind what a young person says or does, without having to accept the behaviour. Curiosity keeps us wondering rather than judging. Empathy lets the young person know that we are alongside them in how it feels.

Try this week: swap “Why did you do that?” for “I wonder what was going on for you just then.” Notice what changes in the room.

When a young person shouts, shuts down or leaves the room, it is easy to focus on what happened and how to stop it. A more helpful question is: what are they trying to tell us?

Next time you notice a difficult moment, pause and ask yourself:

• What happened just before? Look for triggers, transitions or unmet needs.
• What might they be feeling? Name it quietly, to yourself first.
• What need might sit underneath? Safety, connection, control, rest, food?
• What would help right now? Often it is connection before correction.

Small shifts in how a whole team thinks about behaviour add up to calmer homes and stronger relationships.

Each of us has a “window” in which we feel calm enough to think, talk things through and cope with hard feelings. Outside it, we are either too activated (fight or flight: panic, anger, racing thoughts) or too shut down (freeze: numb, flat, disconnected).

For many young people who have experienced trauma, that window is narrow. Reasoning, consequences and long explanations rarely land when the nervous system is flooded or shut down. What helps is a regulated adult: calm, present and offering safety, so the young person can borrow some of that calm.

The good news is that a window can grow with practice, support and understanding. Our free Window of Tolerance handout, this issue's featured resource below, is designed to share with colleagues and young people.

Caring for young people who have experienced trauma is rewarding, and it is also emotionally demanding. Staff absorb a great deal: difficult moments, big feelings, and the weight of wanting to get it right.

Reflective practice sessions create a protected space to talk through incidents, understand responses, strengthen communication across the team and recognise the emotional impact of the work. It is not about blame. It is about learning together.

Teams that reflect together tend to respond with more consistency and more compassion, which young people feel.